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花旗国的半边天

An Exploration of Women's Issues

 
 
 

日志

 
 

女性不会主动出击(Women Not Making the First Move)  

2012-08-09 11:48:50|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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传统上,女性通常扮演的都是被约会的角色,而男性则是提出邀请的那一个。虽然在社会上女性与男性的地位越来越趋于平等,但在感情问题上仍需要男士主动“迈出第一步”。据迈克尔·米尔斯博士,男士通常会主动冒险约女士出来,女士就会利用一些身体语言作信号,来暗示对这个男士是否有好感。米尔斯博士对曾经受到过邀请的男女性进行调查,他发现女性主动约男性的平均次数为零,而男士在一年内平均有4次主动约女性。另外,男士们表示他们在一年内大约只有一次受到过邀请,然而女性被男性约会的次数则多达5次。

女性不会主动出击(Women Not Making the First Move) - 美国马尾妹 - 花旗国的半边天

 

Traditionally, women have always been asked out on dates, with men doing the asking.  Even as women and men become more equal in society, men still “make the first move” most of the time.  According to Michael Mills, PhD., men normally make the first-time risky initiatives by directly asking a woman out, while women participate in nonverbal signaling, which hints at being attracted to a man.  Mills surveyed men and women about being asked out on dates.  He found that women asked men out an average of zero times, while men asked women out an average of four times in a year.  Furthermore, males reported that they were asked out only once in a year, while women were asked out about five times a year. 

       Despite many changes in the way women and men interact, Mills states that not much has changed when it comes to dating, and deduces that this is a result of something deeper than social gender roles.  Mills theorizes that females are equipped with a defense mechanism used to demonstrate to men that they are faithful, a necessary trait stemming from ancestral times.  Fidelity was critical to the survival of families because males needed to provide food for their offspring.  If a woman were unfaithful, the man would waste time and resources feeding children that were not his own. 

In modern times, this defense mechanism still remains as women try to protect their reputation by avoiding any behaviors that men may perceive to be clues of potential infidelity.  Mills comments that women will avoid others who are seen as promiscuous to protect their reputation.  Mills further theorizes that by not asking a man out, a woman informs a potential mate that she would not ask out a man in the future, because she has no history of doing so in the past. 

Discussion Questions

       What do you think about women asking men out on dates?  Should women try to ask men out more often, or should men still hold this responsibility?  Do you think that men asking women out is really linked to our ancestors, or is it merely a social gender role?  Have you ever asked a man out/had a woman ask you out?  What happened?

讨论:

你怎样看待女性主动约会男性?女性应该尝试更主动些吗?还是男性要继续负起迈出第一步的责任?你认为男性的主动性是源于祖先遗传,还是由男性的社会角色所决定的?你有试过主动约会男士吗?(如果你是男性,有试过被女性约会吗?)之后又发生了怎样的故事呢?

Sources

 

Mills, M. (2011). Why Don’t Women Ask Men Out on First Dates? Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-how-and-why-sex-differences/201104/why-dont-women-ask-men-out-first-dates

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